Rebuilding identity, motherhood, mental health, and personal growth after change
Christmas has always been a reflective time for me, but this year feels different for many reasons. At 39, this season has been about finding myself again — slowly, imperfectly, and with more honesty than ever before. We’ve moved away from what was familiar in Rome to start our life again, on our own terms. Stepping away from comfort and routine has been unexpectedly healing. It has given us space to understand who we are — not only as a couple, but also as individuals and as parents — in this new chapter of our lives.
For the first time in years, I feel safe enough — emotionally and mentally — to pause, look back, and share what the last several years have really been like. So much has happened that, for a long time, I didn’t even know where to begin. Maybe that’s why I stayed quiet.
Returning to This Space After Motherhood and Change
I started this blog in my late twenties. I was ambitious, curious, and full of ideas. I wanted to accomplish many things, but I also struggled deeply with self-sabotaging habits. I didn’t yet have the tools or awareness to understand them, let alone work through them. Over time, that desire faded.
Still, every year, I kept renewing the domain and paying for the blog — even when I wasn’t writing. Somewhere deep down, I think I knew this space still mattered.
Fast forward to now: I’m 39, married, a mom of two young children, with a dog, living in Northern Italy in the Veneto region. We moved here in January 2025, and without exaggeration, it has been one of the best decisions we’ve ever made.
How Environment Affects Mental Health and Family Life
Life looks different now. My husband is often away for work, and I’m frequently solo parenting two kids under five, plus a very energetic dog. It’s busy, and some days are tiring — but it’s no longer the kind of stress that drains the life out of me.
Compared to how I felt living in Rome, this season feels lighter, calmer, and more aligned. Our family experienced a period of deep unhappiness there for a variety of reasons, largely because as our life evolved, the environment no longer supported what we needed for our next stage.
This isn’t about people being “wrong” or relationships being at fault — it’s about recognizing when an environment no longer supports your mental and emotional wellbeing. While I’m not ready to unpack all of that yet, I know that in 2026 I will. For now, it’s enough to acknowledge that leaving was part of my healing.
Everything I share here reflects my personal experience and inner journey, not judgments about others or the choices they’ve made.
Personal Growth and Identity After Motherhood While Finding Myself at 39
As we move toward a new year, I wanted to pause and reflect on a few things I’m grateful for — not as achievements to perform, but as quiet markers of growth. These reflections mark an important part of finding myself at 39 after motherhood and major life changes.
1. I’m starting to feel like myself again
Not all at once, but little by little. There’s a sense of recognition returning — like meeting an old friend and realizing she never really left.
2. I’ve made new friends
There were years, especially after becoming a mom, when I genuinely believed I was incapable of forming meaningful connections. I felt awkward, stuck in my head, constantly second-guessing interactions.
What I’m learning now is that I am capable. I might still be awkward — and more introverted than ever — but the right people stay curious, kind, and open. Real connection, even friendship, takes time. And I’m allowed to take up space while it grows.
3. I’m redefining who I am beyond my appearance
If I’m not my body, my face, or my hair — then who am I? How do I actually want to feel in myself?
Navigating pregnancy and postpartum while living far from the support systems I was used to forced me to confront something uncomfortable but necessary: I had to become my own best friend. I had to learn how to support myself emotionally and lean into my husband in ways I hadn’t before.
Through this process, we’ve grown a deeper understanding and appreciation for one another. Seeking support through therapy — including working with a bilingual psychologist via platforms like Unobravo — helped us build healthier communication and perspective during a challenging season.
Somewhere along the way, I realized how much I missed feeling strong and powerful. Returning to the gym wasn’t about changing my body like it was in my twenties — it was about healing. Movement became a way for me to regulate my emotions, feel grounded, and rebuild trust in myself. At the same time, my mindset had to evolve. Motherhood changed me, and pretending otherwise only created friction. Rebuilding my relationship with movement became an unexpected part of finding myself at 39 during this season of motherhood.
I also realized that consistency didn’t come from forcing myself into one rigid way of moving. To stay consistent, I needed to align with movement that felt enjoyable and sparked curiosity — alongside forms I was already familiar with, like weight and circuit training. There wasn’t only one path to progress. Allowing space for different kinds of movement helped me reconnect with my body in a way that felt sustainable and kind.
I’ve learned, too, that not everything I do needs to be productive or perfect. I need movement, yes — but I also need hobbies that invite relaxation, creativity, and play.
Choosing Growth, Mental Health, and Presence Over Accumulation
Finding myself at 39 has taught me this:
I want to see myself thrive — not through accumulating things, but through growth. Through pursuing dreams. Through tending to my mental health. Through being present for my husband and my children. Through building a life that feels honest and aligned.
This post isn’t a conclusion. It’s a beginning. And for the first time in a long time, that feels enough.
Wishing you and your family a Merry Christmas and a happy New Year.
xo,
Clarice
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