Mother’s Day and Enmeshed Family Dynamics: How to Set Boundaries with Compassion

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Mother’s Day and Enmeshed Family Dynamics: How to Set Boundaries with Compassion

by Clarice Thursday, May 8, 2025

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Mother’s Day. It’s probably my favourite celebration next to Christmas. But this year feels different.

My husband and I have spent the past five years learning some of the hardest lessons about what it means to become parents while also navigating extended family dynamics—something no one prepares you for. He’s encouraged me to share parts of our journey, in the hope that it might help others in similar situations.

No matter how old your children are, parenting never really ends. There’s always a part of you that hopes, worries, and wants the best for them. This post is written from my perspective as a mother, but it speaks to all parents—mothers and fathers alike.

Some mothers pray for their children’s health, friendships, happiness, and future families. They hope their children will grow, thrive, and be surrounded by love.

And yet, for some, the changes that come with adulthood—marriage, independence, grandchildren—can feel painful. These transitions can bring up a deep sense of grief or loss, especially when parents feel left behind or disconnected from the close bond they once shared with their child. In some families, this pain may go unspoken, but it shows up in strained relationships, tension, or unmet expectations.

Sometimes, without intending to, family members respond in ways that make things harder. A lack of open communication, unhealed generational wounds, or differing cultural values can contribute to misunderstandings. What starts as love or worry can unintentionally evolve into control, resentment, or emotional distance.

Nothing prepares us for the complexity of being both a parent and an adult child navigating loyalty, love, and boundaries at the same time. In our case, we’ve learned just how much extended family dynamics can shape the emotional health of a marriage and home. What’s been especially challenging is realizing that, at times, not everyone will support your growth if it involves change.

We’ve also learned that compassion and boundaries can coexist. It’s possible to acknowledge someone’s pain while still choosing to protect your peace and emotional safety. That includes taking space—physically or emotionally—when relationships become too damaging to continue as they are.

These choices are never easy. But they are sometimes necessary.

If you’re navigating something similar—whether it’s tension with parents, in-laws, or making difficult decisions about contact—please know you’re not alone. There are professionals who can support you through this. In Italy, we found a helpful resource through Uno Bravo, an online therapy platform where you can take a survey and be matched with therapists, including some who speak English.

Therapy has helped us become more aligned as a couple and more present as parents. It’s also helped us recognize that people don’t always change just because we hope they will. True healing takes willingness, not pressure.

So, this Mother’s Day, if your experience includes some grief, distance, or difficult family dynamics, give yourself permission to feel all of it. You can hold space for empathy without abandoning yourself or your values. You can celebrate the kind of parent you’re choosing to be, even while processing what you’ve lost or hoped for.

There’s no one-size-fits-all answer, but you don’t have to stay stuck in what hurts just to keep the peace. Love can also mean letting go—with kindness, with care, and with the hope of healthier beginnings.

Here are some of the boundaries that we implemented to redirect negative outside influence, maybe they will be helpful for you.

5 Practical, Kind Boundaries You Can Try

If you’re navigating family estrangement or just trying to protect your peace this Mother’s Day, here are five boundaries that are compassionate and clear:

Limit access to your time and home.
“We’re focusing on our little family this weekend, but we’ll reach out when we’re ready for a visit.”
Decline conversations that cause guilt or conflict.
“I’m not comfortable discussing that right now. Let’s take a break from this topic.”
Redirect expectations around holidays.
“We’re starting our own traditions this year. We’d love to share some moments another day that feels right.”
Protect your child’s emotional space.
“We’re being mindful of what conversations happen in front of our kids—they’re sensitive to tension.”
Clarify that boundaries are an outline of what YOU will do with unwanted behaviour and also specifically that change is required, and not apologies alone.
“We’re open to reconnecting, but only if we can agree on more respectful ways to move forward.”